How to have amazing Lesbian Relationships, Love, Sex and Passion

All night, all I got from my two companions and supporters for the evening was “wow, you’re really not yourself. Are you okay?” After the hundredth time of saying that I am alright I tried to bounce out of my head but I had already become hyper vigilant to my environment and to the people who surrounded me.

Comfortable in my body, bound and changed through the use of duct tape and props but not with the person who was inhabiting it.  I can only imagine the experience being the opposite for an individual who is transgender, to know the person but not being able to fit in the body.

I have always had a great admiration for the transgender population, I have felt that they have been at the fore front of the attacks from the heterosexual community and for much of our time on this planet they have been misunderstood, ignored, abused, victimized, and treated unkindly. This has not only been from our straight counterparts but from the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community.

I do think that things are getting better on the LGB side and that we are attempting to include and educate each other; however transgendered people are still abused and harmed on a regular basis from the world in general. Unlike some of us that chose to be in the closet, we only have to hide our sexuality, but what about when it’s your body you are changing and do not fit into? There is no hiding when you know that your body and person/mind don’t belong with one another.

Like two puzzle pieces that fit together we take for granted the beautifully choreographed dance of our body and mind merging, but for Trans people there is no dance but a battle. I think it’s ironic that more people do not get it, everyday individuals struggle with body weight and disease and feel that they’re bodies have failed them and wished they could change it. Is this so different or hard to understand that someone may feel that they’re body is not rightly shaped and that in order to feel whole it would have to change. We are consistently being forced to see are selves in a one dimensional view point: you have a vagina so therefore you are a female, hence you need to reproduce and like pink!  Well boxes are great for carrying and storing things, but people are far too brilliantly complicated to fit into one box.

Biology is not perfect, and the universe was not created on perfection but the beauty of uniqueness and interconnectedness. So my mission was to interconnect, get uncomfortable and change.

So here was my experience: the night started with laughs and giggles and at first when I got in the car with a slightly itchy crotch and two lesbians teasing me, I was actually feeling pretty good. I was even beginning to feel the male part of my personality come up to the surface, like he had been hiding and remaining quiet all this time in the background.

That feeling lasted all of about 10 minutes, as soon as I walked into the restaurant and the three girls sitting waiting for their table looked at me in disgust, then I felt about two-feet tall.

I was either met with invisible indifference or questioning dirty looks, and honestly it was not the straight people that really got to me but the unresponsiveness of my LBG community.

I thought that for the first time I would be recognized as a person who is attracted to women, but alas I felt invisible (I might just be that ugly and have not yet surfaced out of denial!)

As a Lesbian that is described as femme, which often means “you have that straight look,” I have often felt indistinguishable to my community. I pass as straight and have a child, so therefore I need to Come Out pretty much everyday of my life and am often looked over by my own community.

My friends think this is funny, and yes we have often all laughed at the fact that I am the most open of all of them and yet the most unseen in the lesbian hangouts. So when I had the courage to change and transform into my Lesbian Transgender self I was saddened to see I felt exposed to the straight world even more to be rejected upon but also that I was still very much unnoticed to Lesbians (maybe I was too cute and really did look too much like a straight guy! I can’t win!)

It definitely made me appreciate my body than I did before but I also value the discovery of the male side of me and the kindness and shy boy that lives inside my shell.

He is a pretty cute sweet guy and I don’t intend to keep him in hiding anymore!

Watch the videos to see the transformation as well as to have a good laugh!

Trans for Night 1/6,Trans for Night 2/6, Trans for Night 3/6, Trans for a Night 4/6 (Issues with the penis prop!), Trans for Night 5/6 (Loving the pecs! Well Ellen is loving them!), and Trans for a Night the aftermath 6/6.

Special thanks to Mac for the learning experience and showing me her world, as well to my close and dear friend Ellen for always keeping me smiling and supporting me and my crazy adventures (Holla back girl!)

~The Lesbian Guru

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“Lying on my back I feel the weight of your body on top of me

Your fingers are deep within exploring, playing

I feel your hot breath all over my body

And as you touch my skin our souls intertwine like poison ivy

I do not know when you took control

But now I am feeling vulnerable, scared you will abandon me

I cannot stop the tears from drowning in my insecurities

My naked body has never felt more alone”

I hate crying, I especially hate crying in front of my partner. In fact, I would rather she think me a cold hearted bitch then a tearful, vulnerable being with needs and wants? There is a part of me that believes that if I am seen crying then someone will think they have power over me and that I can be controlled. Well, I don’t think so Lady! Come or go you will not see me cry over you, I am an independent gay woman and that is something you will never know….

Yeah right? Who the hell am I kidding, lately I have developed a small case of the cry babies, and every emotion I feel is followed by a tear! I don’t know if this means something inside me is going wrong or the ice princess has fallen into a slumber, but I thought I would explore the meaning of tears and if they had words what would they say?

I am constantly telling people in therapy “Let it out sweetheart, don’t hold that junk in, just let it go!”, and here I am running to the bathroom when someone tells me they love me and think the world of me. I look at them like “Where is the crack you have been smoking and why are you lying to me!”

The overwhelming feeling of love can make us nauseous and scared. For me, it is mostly due to the thought of a partners feelings changing, that the individual will turn around tomorrow and say “Shit you know how I said I loved you yesterday, well I don’t today and in fact I never really did!”

But a good cry is good for the soul; in fact it has healing powers. One of my beloved girlfriends who recently got heartbroken was lying beside me crying, she softly said in her shaky voice “I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I don’t want to cry.” I remembered being there not so long ago when my heart felt ripped out of my chest and I thought the same thing.

It was so sad for me to see someone I love in so much pain and then be shocked at my response , “Cry my baby, cry, let it all out and let it go. Cry until you cannot cry anymore, and then cry some more.”

Tears are the water that cleanses our bodies. Sure we sweat, but tears clean us spiritually, psychologically, and physiologically.  Tears lubricate our eyes and are the most amazing antibacterial and antiviral solution, but research has shown that they can also change in chemistry depending on when we shed them.

Emotional tears, ones like when you are sad or grieving contain more toxic byproduct then tears that are formed when yawing. Your tears are actually REMOVING toxic waste when you are having a surge of emotions and help release tension and stress build up.

When you allow yourself to cry and let go you are also letting go of anxiety, nervousness, fatigue, anger, grief, and emotional instabilities.

Crying also lowers your walls and allows moments of vulnerability, which can give opportunities to the people that love you to be there for you and allow you to let them inside to help you heal. Tears bring us closer together and allow people to know where we are at and what we need, like a hug.

Yes, it is exhausting crying and it often feels like all of our insides have come out after a good emotional breakdown, but trusting the process that your body was engineered to do will allow you to express your pain, fears, worries, hurt, rejection and abandonment. As my Cindy always says “Alex you have to go through the pain and allow it flow through you.” So do not hold on to your tears let them out with all the toxic baggage that is inside so you allow room for growth, change, and healing.

 Here are five reasons why crying is both avoided, and needed:

1. Afraid to have feeling. I do not believe that is the actual action of crying that scares people, but the fear of knowing our true feelings. When we know how we feel then we know what we fear, and what if those fears are not in our control and cannot be changed? So we avoid them all together. However acknowledging your fears is a form of managing them and becoming empowered even if at first you do cry at the knowledge of them!
2. Release toxic chemicals. As stated above crying is cleansing and frees our minds of clutter. They help maintain balance in our bodies and help adjust to and refrain from depression settling in long-term.
3. Healing and change is scary. Often we stop ourselves from getting help of a professional to deal with our emotions as we do not want to feel the embarrassment or shame of what we may be battling. However, having a person that is trained to deal with and help you cope may be the release and adjustment you need to move on and heal.
4. Not knowing if it is safe to cry. Find a place and give yourself permission to release those tears and feelings. I also suggest a time limit. When i am feeling down I allow myself one day at the most to feel that way where I may cry as much as I like and to be depressed. Day two, it’s back on the horse… with only occasional melt downs!
5. Let the child inside cry out! Allow what has been lying under the surface to flow safely and freely, do not hush that child within that needs to cry. Give yourself the same understanding and the right to be upset as you would any small child. Validate that you are a person with emotion and that crying is part of the beautiful human expression of living.

“Let your tears come.  Let them water your soul.” Eileen Mayhew

~The Lesbian Guru

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

“Shhhh…
I will keep your secret, I will not tell… a soul
That you drink alone
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
I will not tell anyone when you do that line of coke or take one more hit of smoke
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
I will not tell that when you are high and drunk…
You like to hit me
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
I will not tell anyone know why my thighs are bruised, my eye is black and my heart is broken
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
Your secrets safe… I will not tell anyone
… That we are lost and alone.”

No you do not have a problem; it is the world that has a problem with you. No, you drink like everyone else, and the drugs, well that is just recreational and you are in control of that too! No not you because only street bums, whores, and low lives are addicts.

There is a little dirty secret in our community that has been kept hidden for a while now, no one dares really to talk about it. I personally think it is just ignored that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LBGT) has a high rate and probably underrated number of substance abuse and use in our community.

Mostly in  part and sadly it is our own LGBT community that keeps it hidden out of fear of bringing further attention in to our dysfunctional way and worried that the heterosexual community will have more ammunition to justify the abomination of our existence.

Additionally, due to the lack of funding that goes into research and the unwillingness of many to come out of the closet it is unsure how many of us there are and how many of us need help. We have no real resources that are tailored to our needs in terms of Alcohol, Drugs, and Other Substances (AODs) and most of us suffer in silence.

So you are reading this and many of you may be thinking, well I do not have a problem and maybe you are right, but let’s play a little game and see how sure you are? Of course, that is if you dare to take a good look at yourself?

Answer these three questions:

1. Has anyone ever told you that you drink or drug too much? Yes or No

2. Do others have a different opinion about your drinking or drugging behaviors than you do? Yes or No
Example: You think 10 beers is fun and normal your friend Jane thinks that it is 9 too many.

3. Do you sometimes find yourself thinking that alcohol, cocaine, weed, pills, or something else is causing problems in your life? Yes or No

If you answered yes to two or more of these then you may have a problem. Listen to your friends and family, they are often the people that notice it first.

We often do not realize that AODs are a problem as they alter our mood and make us think differently.  They change the chemistry of your brain and once that happens you will experience physical, psychological, and behavioral changes. No one is immune to this fact, it does not matter where you grew up, how smart you think you are, or even how much money you have, and it does not even matter the substance of choice.

I am always surprised when people tell me “Well at least I am not doing crack, I just drink” or “Well, it is not like I am an alcoholic, I just smoke weed and that is natural.” Yeah, yeah, just tell yourself whatever bullshit works for you so you keep on doing whatever the fuck you need to support your belief system, the one that says “I have this all under control, this is not a problem!”

Here is the reality check, the continued use of addictive chemicals leads to continued use of addictive chemicals. Drugs and alcohol tell you how, where, when and with whom you are going to lead your life. Do you have fantasies about it? Do you have dreams about it? Do you surround yourself with people who support your habit or no one at all because you do not want one more lecture!

You are obsessed, but so sure you are in control, even when it begins to interfere with your work, friendships, family, partner, children, money, health, legally, and even maybe your spirituality.

Addiction is a Bio (life) – Psycho (mind) – Social (relationship) disease, when you begin using AODs from the very first sip or hit your brain begins to change. Ask yourself; is anyone in your family using or in the past used/abused AODs? Studies show that in families where AODs are used or abused there is a high genetic predisposition. Even a small amount of AODs over a short amount of time can trigger addiction.

Most of us are using AODs as a soother for the social stress we have to face as LGBT. It is easier to get along with people when your brain is lubricated, it also makes you numb to all those fears and worries about coming out.  We may feel for a short amount of time like we belong to the majority group. In some cases we struggle so much to find our LGBT ways we drink just to get closer to our community.

We also prolong our using when we begin to have a physical dependence of it, our tolerance increases and slowly we attempt to reach the same effect by drinking or using more and more.

You still think this is not you, well okay maybe it is not, but it is worth asking yourself what are my intentions when I take this hit or drink. What am I trying to achieve? Asking that one question saved my life. I looked truly and deeply into myself and removed all the bullshit lies and denial.

I asked myself, who are you doing this for? What are you trying to do? I was flooded with answers: to die, to live, to be loved, to feel loved, to be numb, to not feel and feel everything, to feel in control, to feel power, to stop time, to forget, to remember, to not care and say what I need too, to do what I want, to feel free, to not be ME.

None of those were good, none of those were reality, and these are all manufacturer ideas of using. The truth is I did not know me; I was blindfolded by pain and self medicating.

Stand still for a minute and imagine not doing that hit or drink for today? How do you feel just for today not doing it? Could you stand still with me, just for today? You can always pick it up tomorrow, but can you stop for today?

Or does it hurt just to think of going without your liquid love for just one day? Are you crying? It will be okay! You are not alone and help is only a call away.

If you think now that you may have a problem and you need to speak to someone call:

• Drug & Alcohol Treatment Referral National Hotline 1-800-662-4357
• National Helpline 1-800-HELP-111
• PRIDE (Parent’s Resource Institute for Drug education) (707) 458-9900
• Narcotics Anonymous, World Service Line (818) 773-9999
• National Alcoholics Anonymous 212-870-3400

Life is so fast My Darling, do you not deserve more? Do you not deserve Life?

  ~The Lesbian Guru

You have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru