How to have amazing Lesbian Relationships, Love, Sex and Passion

Men must think I have some special powers or something because it is unbelievable how many sex questions I get from straight guys wanting to know how to please their lady. In fact it makes me giggle how admirable man are for coming to a lesbian for advice on sex. So this article is in honor of all my straight boys who have inspired and drove me on the quest to attain the most incredible mind altering orgasm!

Because you sweet lads want to make your ladies cum so hard that they pass out I thought it only fair I give the same information out to my wonderful Lesbian women… because after all we are talking about the vagina and Lesbians do love bowing to her grace and beauty (and screams!)

So let’s face it, there are a million if not more articles, books, videos, pretty much any media full of information that give you info on how to have an orgasm… and yet there are still ladies not achieving them and that is just not fair, so here is the low down on  the down under.

First of all cumming for women is not easy whether you are straight or gay. It takes a lot of energy and concentration, in fact if our mind is not in direct communication with our lady parts then usually the Big O will not happen. The world often makes it seem that it should just happen automatically and that everyone is capable of having an orgasm, but the reality is that a high proportion of women can’t climax at all.  

Young women especially find it to be a difficult task to reach, but what research has recently found out is that for women an orgasm is learned! Yup girls, you have to teach your body to cum! I know it is a bummer but here is the good news, once you have taught your body how to make it bounce and fly then you can keep on doing it and get better at it (One thing the boys cannot do! Multiple orgasms!)

The learning starts with a self-tutorial that means self-love and masturbation. This is a very important step in self exploration as it really allows you to learn about pressure and rhythms. Knowing exactly how to excite yourself is empowering and feels amazing! Once you know it then it is time to teach your play mate (aka lover).

As you get older and reach your thirties and above you will reach orgasm quite easily (Yeah for me!!!) However, if you are still having difficulty reaching orgasm after your thirties and you are in a loving and caring relationship I would seek professional help and get a physical to make sure everything is alright. There are a lot of biological, medical, social and psychological issues that could be preventing your orgasm and may be helped but you must ask for help first. For example, certain medications can alter the sexual energy of a person, like anti-depressants.

Okay, so how do I become a multi-orgasmic Lesbian? Easy, you need to give your vagina daily workouts, and by that I mean Kegle exercises.  You will recognize these muscles when you go to pee and are able to stop yourself. Having an awesome orgasm starts with contracting the pelvic muscle groups!

One of the most recommended and a used method is the Ben Wa balls. Ben Wa balls, also known as Burmese bells or Geisha balls are small, marble-sized balls, usually hollow and containing a small weight that rolls around and are used for sexual stimulation. Some may also be solid, or contain clappers or chimes within. Other larger versions made of plastic encasing lesser balls are called Duotone balls. More rare are the one contain a tiny vibrating metal tongue, giving a uniquely erotic sensation even at the slightest movement of hips or legs. They are used by inserting them into the vagina or anus and using muscles to hold them in, and movement to stimulate and vibrate.

Historian say that it’s origin is unknown but it’s primary use was a single ball placed in the vagina, used to enhance sex, but shortly evolved into multiple metal covered balls linked by either a chain or silk string for easy removal. Usage of Ben Wa balls creates a subtle stimulation, not meant to bring the user to immediate orgasm but rather to tease. It is possible to leave Ben Wa balls in one’s vagina all day, for sexual stimulation.

Ben Wa balls and other shaped vaginal weights are recommended by OB/GYN to increase vaginal elasticity and bladder control. Vaginal weights come in a cylindrical shape and are used in increasing weights to strengthen the vagina, which improves sexual performance. Mild urinary incontinence, such as that which occurs while coughing, laughing, or sneezing and occurs more often as women grow older, can be treated with Ben Wa balls, vaginal weights, or Kegel exercise.

Ben Wa Balls can also be used during intercourse to increase stimulation of both partners or in a combination with a vibrator. You can have your partner put on a strap on and have sex while you enjoy the stimulation of the Ben Wa Balls inside of you. 

When using Ben Wa Balls always use the restroom before inserting them in. Very similar to a tampon you glide one ball at the time and you can even put some lube on there to make the insertion easier. Once comfortably inside you, start squeezing your leg muscles together and your pelvic muscles together to hold the balls in. Hold the balls inside for at least 15 minutes a day or for hours for an increased workout!

 Ben Wa Balls and Sex on YouTube!

When done gently insert your finger inside your vagina and remove the balls one by one, if you have a hard time removing them just jump up and down, squeeze, cough, laugh, sit and bear down as if having a bowl movement, add more lube up there! Just remember not to panic…they cannot disappear! (I mean, where would they go?!)

 There is a lot of available equipment to help with your workout regime: 

Climax Kegels Ben Wa Balls with Silicone Strap

Pure Romance Ben Wa Balls (Silver Balls)

Blue Flower Glass Ben-Wa Balls

Original KEGELMASTER – Worlds First Progressive Resistance Vaginal Exerciser comes with Instructional DVD and Silk Storage Bag

 
Berman Juno Weighted Exerciser (glass is more sanitary and easier to clean!)

Kegel Exercise Weights

GyneFlex with VTP (R) – Regular Strength

Dr. Laura Berman Seen on Oprah, Juno Kegel Kit – Juno Intimate Basics Weighted Pelvic Exerciser Plus 50ml Bottle Lubexxx Body & Toy Lube 100% Condom Safe Silicone & Water Blend Lubricant and Berman Center Anti-bacterial Toy Cleaner!

Once you strengthen your muscle you should feel a difference in the way you experience an orgasm. You may then begin working on your external world. Start building your sexual side by:

1. Being creative in your foreplay, if it takes you longer to warm up get a head start by sending dirty text messages or leaving sexy voice mails. 
2. Word it out; tell your partner she’s doing it right or it feels good. Let her know what you want!
3. Hit all the right spots, the most amazing lesson I learned was that my whole body can be used as a sexual orgasm for pleasure. For example, you can rub your clitoris right on her pelvic bone or her coccyx, even use her nipple. It is all about exploring and having fun!
4. Become a risk taker. Play out your fantasies and make new memories that you can play over and over again in your head and get you excited for the next encounter with your lover!
5. Slowing it down builds it up. When you feel yourself getting close to climax, back off and start all over again. This can be done a few times and will intensify the orgasm.
6. Focus on your breathing. Try to breath in tandem with your partner. This will bring you closer and create intimacy which will intensify your orgasm as well.
7. Lastly RELAX, stress compromises your libido and sex drive. So take it easy and take care of yourself… the reward will be mind blowing!

So now that you know the recipe it’s time to get sweaty, I want to hear the planet screaming with satisfied Gay women!

~The Lesbian Guru

Please leave any questions, comments, or concerns below or  feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

I walked into my therapist office (aka my co-worker whom I love and adore) and sat on her comfy client’s chair and with a big smile said “Guess what? I met someone! She is perfection, seriously Robin she is magnificent and I am crazy about this girl!” All the while my sweet Lady of Reason is nodding her head with her pen gently pressed against her lip with a half smile.

She waits for me to finish my ecstatic advertisement of my new found love and says with her gentle but firm therapist tone “Wow, have you slept with her yet?” “No, Ma’am this one I am going to take my time with and get to know… no more psychodyckos for me she is the real deal!” As she looks down at the ground which she always does just before she says something she thinks may hurt me “That’s great, you did good… So how are you going to stop your self-sabotaging ways with this one?”

I felt my gut turn because I knew exactly what she was referring too, she’s never actually referred it to me like that before but none the less she’s seen me go through enough relationships where my mind and behavior fought and pushed away the one I love.

Have you ever started a relationship and then began the search for what is not right about the person? Oh Lord, I hate when I begin this quest! It is as if my heart begins to beat fast and my mind slows down and says, “Now remember everyone is crazy and wants something so DO NOT trust this person.”  You begin to nitpick at every possible thing you can find to reassure and empower your negative thinking. 

This is your angry, hurt, negative part that ALWAYS wants to be right. The part of you that says “you are worthless, you are ugly, stupid, they all hate you, you will always be alone, or you do not ever deserve to find somebody, etc…” this part will not shut up until it’s made it’s point and that’s the beginning of self-sabotage.

For some of us it is so ingrained and old we don’t even know it’s there or realize we are doing it, that our crappy self-esteem is slowly winning the war of negative empowerment and that we are pushing people we love or care further and further away!

Back to my Robin, so I look at her now and say “Listen here Lady, I did not sleep with her and I think that’s pretty impressive, no? But I am a little worried because you know she is in recovery and you know the deal with us is at anytime it’s back on the dirt breathing dust again!” She giggles and smiles “Jeez, Alex your already thinking about the poor girl relapsing? A bit stuck in fear aren’t we and focusing on a future that has not happened yet! You might have to go check you’re Serenity Prayer!”

Now she is frustrating me to no end, but I realize right there how self-sabotaging that was and that I jumped into an unknown future and I had to do as she said and read “…Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace…”

As I left her office I began to think of my behavior towards women I fell or have fallen in love with. How much I must of drove them crazy with my “I need you right now’s, and leave me alone your getting too close.” I thought of all the times I made them jealous intentionally to observe a reaction of fear just to know they were truly mine.

The worst thing of all is with every fight, some which I purposefully started, I would always say “I guess it’s over, this is just not working for me!” Always coming from the fears of abandonment and them walking out the door to someone better (because obviously there must be someone better than me, why would you ever want to be stuck with me?)

 I would say the complete opposite, what I wanted to say was “Stay, hold me, kiss me, I need you!” I remembered all them saying to me at least once “Why don’t you cry, it’s like you don’t care and you look so cold,” and with my lips always feeling so heavy I cannot bare to whisper, “I cry when I am alone when you are not near me otherwise you’ll know I care.”

Great! Now I know I love killing relationships with people I love, so how do you overcome it? You change the way you think!

1. Ask yourself new questions. So instead of “I wonder what is wrong with her” or “Will she stay in recovery?” Say “I wonder what we will learn together?” Make a list of all the positives of the relationship and the person or  situation.
2. Relax, take one day at a time, and trust that it will be as it should. As my favorite prayer says “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”
3. Stop all those negative tags in your mind. Sometimes we just need to tell our brain to “Shut the F— up!”
4. Stop comparing yourself to others, you are not them and you have no freaking idea what they have been through or will go through in the future! Just stay focused on you, focus on what you can control which is you! You have to trust enough in yourself to know it will work!
5. Make goals and new and healthy belief systems, for example one of mine is “You deserve a healthy relationship, and to be loved beyond this worlds limits, you are beautiful!”, and don’t think I don’t say that shit every morning in the mirror with my three year old looking at me like I am crazy!
6. Make a Poster of what you want, need and desire. I have one that takes up half my bathroom wall and people always leave my home saying they are going to go home and make one because it is beautiful to see dreams in colors on paper! (and it’s like magic, it really works when you stare at it and hold the picture in your head, yes I am crazy and so what?)
7. Always, always, always ask yourself “What do I want?” Validating and recognizing your needs is so important and remind you that you are a person that can, should and has wants! Stop focusing on pleasing others and build your own lesbian esteem by spending moments in the day focusing just on you!

Robin may have been right that I used to do this, but today is a new day and this lady will get to see a healthier side (well at least a little healthier, it’s still a work in progress!)

~The Lesbian Guru

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It’s so hard these days to meet genuine people that are not into things for the mere popularity or money making deals. I think often when we do meet individuals that are sincere and speak or in this case sing their passion and love, that we automatically think they want something or they are a frauds. This world has become so doubtful and abusive towards each other that talent, true conviction and passion are overridden by insecurities.

Last night I had a conversation with a new and upcoming artist Ace Reign, and I just fell in love with this woman’s words and passion. First of all, I am a sucker for women who are intelligent and able to communicate their ideas, but to also do it in a manner that reaches and teaches people is amazing.

My aim has always been to empower and connect with the lesbian community, so when I asked the brilliant Rapper her thoughts of being seen as a Dominant/Aggressive Gay woman in the entertainment industry she actually caught me off guard by gently correcting me.  

She brought about a very important point that labels are very constricting and that they often allow people to be discriminated upon or boxed in. She shared that she is herself and that she is proud of who she is, being a person of this world that loves what she creates and happens to also have relationships with women.

I agreed with her, stereotyping means making generalizations towards people and that creates an opening for prejudice “like butch girls don’t cry!” We are all guilty of it and do it aggressively within our own community. She stated back, “Wouldn’t it be great if people would just want to get to know you before they judge you or see someone in baggy jeans and not automatically think oh, that must be a guy and call you Sir.”

There are so many wonderful and extraordinary Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) artists and Ace is no exception, just listening to her music is inspiring and you cannot help smiling when she says things like “ I breath my music, lyrics are emotions, pain… It is how I tell my story or someone I have meet that inspired me” Her songs come from her journey through life and stories that others have shared with her and the passion she felt in those moments.
She is definitely not in any box with any label but a free soul whose journey is to inspire and connect with others through music.  She is a pioneer in her art, in Still Riding Ace expresses her experience with the heterosexual male rapping industry and fights another stereotype “girls can’t rap” or assume a woman cannot reach a level of artistry as men.  The lyrics in Still Ridin show victory and power over the negative views and beliefs, showing survival in the tough Hip Hop world. 

I am glad I got this chance to have a conversation with an artist and creator of beauty, this woman that represents the lesbian community but also of that of all artist, will soon in her own right be shining so bright that reaching her may be near impossible.

It is up to us as a community to support our LGBT talent, to help them shine and represent us in a positive light. It is our responsibility as a community to look out for one another so that the world sees our true talents, because we have so many!

Good luck my Friend, you are amazingly talented. Keep inspiring, writing, singing, and may the world embrace you passion!

~The Lesbian Guru

 Please subscribe for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru