How to have amazing Lesbian Relationships, Love, Sex and Passion

Men must think I have some special powers or something because it is unbelievable how many sex questions I get from straight guys wanting to know how to please their lady. In fact it makes me giggle how admirable man are for coming to a lesbian for advice on sex. So this article is in honor of all my straight boys who have inspired and drove me on the quest to attain the most incredible mind altering orgasm!

Because you sweet lads want to make your ladies cum so hard that they pass out I thought it only fair I give the same information out to my wonderful Lesbian women… because after all we are talking about the vagina and Lesbians do love bowing to her grace and beauty (and screams!)

So let’s face it, there are a million if not more articles, books, videos, pretty much any media full of information that give you info on how to have an orgasm… and yet there are still ladies not achieving them and that is just not fair, so here is the low down on  the down under.

First of all cumming for women is not easy whether you are straight or gay. It takes a lot of energy and concentration, in fact if our mind is not in direct communication with our lady parts then usually the Big O will not happen. The world often makes it seem that it should just happen automatically and that everyone is capable of having an orgasm, but the reality is that a high proportion of women can’t climax at all.  

Young women especially find it to be a difficult task to reach, but what research has recently found out is that for women an orgasm is learned! Yup girls, you have to teach your body to cum! I know it is a bummer but here is the good news, once you have taught your body how to make it bounce and fly then you can keep on doing it and get better at it (One thing the boys cannot do! Multiple orgasms!)

The learning starts with a self-tutorial that means self-love and masturbation. This is a very important step in self exploration as it really allows you to learn about pressure and rhythms. Knowing exactly how to excite yourself is empowering and feels amazing! Once you know it then it is time to teach your play mate (aka lover).

As you get older and reach your thirties and above you will reach orgasm quite easily (Yeah for me!!!) However, if you are still having difficulty reaching orgasm after your thirties and you are in a loving and caring relationship I would seek professional help and get a physical to make sure everything is alright. There are a lot of biological, medical, social and psychological issues that could be preventing your orgasm and may be helped but you must ask for help first. For example, certain medications can alter the sexual energy of a person, like anti-depressants.

Okay, so how do I become a multi-orgasmic Lesbian? Easy, you need to give your vagina daily workouts, and by that I mean Kegle exercises.  You will recognize these muscles when you go to pee and are able to stop yourself. Having an awesome orgasm starts with contracting the pelvic muscle groups!

One of the most recommended and a used method is the Ben Wa balls. Ben Wa balls, also known as Burmese bells or Geisha balls are small, marble-sized balls, usually hollow and containing a small weight that rolls around and are used for sexual stimulation. Some may also be solid, or contain clappers or chimes within. Other larger versions made of plastic encasing lesser balls are called Duotone balls. More rare are the one contain a tiny vibrating metal tongue, giving a uniquely erotic sensation even at the slightest movement of hips or legs. They are used by inserting them into the vagina or anus and using muscles to hold them in, and movement to stimulate and vibrate.

Historian say that it’s origin is unknown but it’s primary use was a single ball placed in the vagina, used to enhance sex, but shortly evolved into multiple metal covered balls linked by either a chain or silk string for easy removal. Usage of Ben Wa balls creates a subtle stimulation, not meant to bring the user to immediate orgasm but rather to tease. It is possible to leave Ben Wa balls in one’s vagina all day, for sexual stimulation.

Ben Wa balls and other shaped vaginal weights are recommended by OB/GYN to increase vaginal elasticity and bladder control. Vaginal weights come in a cylindrical shape and are used in increasing weights to strengthen the vagina, which improves sexual performance. Mild urinary incontinence, such as that which occurs while coughing, laughing, or sneezing and occurs more often as women grow older, can be treated with Ben Wa balls, vaginal weights, or Kegel exercise.

Ben Wa Balls can also be used during intercourse to increase stimulation of both partners or in a combination with a vibrator. You can have your partner put on a strap on and have sex while you enjoy the stimulation of the Ben Wa Balls inside of you. 

When using Ben Wa Balls always use the restroom before inserting them in. Very similar to a tampon you glide one ball at the time and you can even put some lube on there to make the insertion easier. Once comfortably inside you, start squeezing your leg muscles together and your pelvic muscles together to hold the balls in. Hold the balls inside for at least 15 minutes a day or for hours for an increased workout!

 Ben Wa Balls and Sex on YouTube!

When done gently insert your finger inside your vagina and remove the balls one by one, if you have a hard time removing them just jump up and down, squeeze, cough, laugh, sit and bear down as if having a bowl movement, add more lube up there! Just remember not to panic…they cannot disappear! (I mean, where would they go?!)

 There is a lot of available equipment to help with your workout regime: 

Climax Kegels Ben Wa Balls with Silicone Strap

Pure Romance Ben Wa Balls (Silver Balls)

Blue Flower Glass Ben-Wa Balls

Original KEGELMASTER – Worlds First Progressive Resistance Vaginal Exerciser comes with Instructional DVD and Silk Storage Bag

 
Berman Juno Weighted Exerciser (glass is more sanitary and easier to clean!)

Kegel Exercise Weights

GyneFlex with VTP (R) – Regular Strength

Dr. Laura Berman Seen on Oprah, Juno Kegel Kit – Juno Intimate Basics Weighted Pelvic Exerciser Plus 50ml Bottle Lubexxx Body & Toy Lube 100% Condom Safe Silicone & Water Blend Lubricant and Berman Center Anti-bacterial Toy Cleaner!

Once you strengthen your muscle you should feel a difference in the way you experience an orgasm. You may then begin working on your external world. Start building your sexual side by:

1. Being creative in your foreplay, if it takes you longer to warm up get a head start by sending dirty text messages or leaving sexy voice mails. 
2. Word it out; tell your partner she’s doing it right or it feels good. Let her know what you want!
3. Hit all the right spots, the most amazing lesson I learned was that my whole body can be used as a sexual orgasm for pleasure. For example, you can rub your clitoris right on her pelvic bone or her coccyx, even use her nipple. It is all about exploring and having fun!
4. Become a risk taker. Play out your fantasies and make new memories that you can play over and over again in your head and get you excited for the next encounter with your lover!
5. Slowing it down builds it up. When you feel yourself getting close to climax, back off and start all over again. This can be done a few times and will intensify the orgasm.
6. Focus on your breathing. Try to breath in tandem with your partner. This will bring you closer and create intimacy which will intensify your orgasm as well.
7. Lastly RELAX, stress compromises your libido and sex drive. So take it easy and take care of yourself… the reward will be mind blowing!

So now that you know the recipe it’s time to get sweaty, I want to hear the planet screaming with satisfied Gay women!

~The Lesbian Guru

Please leave any questions, comments, or concerns below or  feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

“I’m not supposed to love you, I’m not supposed to care, I’m not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I’m not supposed to wonder where you are or what you’re doing, but I can’t help it, because I’m in love with you.” Still.

Breaking up is so painful and there is no quick and easy way to do it or get over it. One of the biggest struggles we all deal with as individuals and why so many enter into therapy is dealing with Loss. We become attached and start to have a sense of belonging. We grow roots into each other, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or a lover, it hurts when we are ripped away. I’ve often described break ups like a death, because what once was is no more and can not be the same ever again. I think it so painful when Lesbians do break up because we are emotionally driven and form such a unique bond with each other; you mix sex with that and it’s a whole different level. Not to say that any other group would feel less pain or that all women feel that way, I don’t know, all I can do is describe how it feels in a generalized sense from a woman to woman perspective.

Sometimes we can remain friends, in fact in our community we really try too. It’s very common in lesbian circles that your best friend at some point was your ex lover, and if that works for you that’s fine. It sometimes can make the separation all the more painful and difficult. Sometimes walking away and readjusting to change is far healthier and vital for a new future relationship. The past, if kept to close can bring about doubt and guilt. The longer you have been with someone the more history, but that doesn’t mean you need to hold on to it like it belongs to you. In fact, that is where people get lost and hopeless. Why do we have such a difficult time letting go? Well because some people have an unconscious (sometimes very conscious!) belief that people belong to them.

When I was growing up and had one of my first heart breaks my mother asked me what I was so upset about, I told her “I thought we always would be there for each other, I thought she was mine and I was hers.” My mother looked at me and asked “Is she an object? Did you purchase her? Did God give her to you?” “No! Of course not.” “Well then can people belong to us and when they were with you did they really belong to you?” Of course I said “Yes, if you tell me that then I believe you.” “Well, then for how long?” I started getting frustrated “I don’t know, for as long as you tell me, maybe forever!” My mother smiled and taught me some important principles that day that I would like to share with you. That day I learned there is no forever because we die, and everything comes to a full circle like the planets circling the sun. That day I learned we only share each other in moments, and that for different reasons those moments will end or change and may begin again but should never be with the intention of ownership but shared love and respect. I learned that loss happens in stages and that my journey in life is a little like sitting on a log and going with the flow of a river, I have to submit to the journey. I don’t get to set the journey, I just need to decide that I will take it and the experiences it has to offer. I tell my clients this all the time, “You can get off the log and try to control the mighty river of life, and you will drown from fatigue (which usually looks like depression, substance abuse, and hopelessness) or you can stay on the log and just believe. You believe that things will happen and that the journey will be hard but knowing that in between those moments of hardship there will be a return for a while to more peaceful times.”

Here are some things you can do to ease the pain of loss:

• Spring clean and redecorate change your home around, make it new a fresh. Make it yours again!
• Get rid of her clothes left behind (and anything else.)
• Bring your friends close. Go for coffee, dinner, and cry to them. My thing is I call my best friends and I will say “Give me 10 minutes, I just need to cry it out and know your on the other side.”
• Write your feeling, thoughts, and wishes. Even write a good-bye letter and burn it (trust me on this one it feels so good).
• Be kind and patient with yourself. I have that written down on my mirror with a crayon. So I never forget my worth to myself and others.

Being a lesbian is isolating at times, especially in a small city with such a small availability of support, it can be extremely lonely. If any of you have watched If Theses Walls Could Talk 2, you know what I mean when I say people just don’t always get why we hurt so bad when we are left. I mean after all we are gay and we can just easily find some other woman, right? The bond a homosexual relationship has when developed and/or broken can often be overlooked by the straight community because of the lack of understand of same-sex couples, it’s not that easy! People don’t always get that our choices are limited and that we become not only lovers, but a family member and a best friend. When society, families and communities have shut us out sometimes our lover is the only person that gets us and is standing beside us in our time of need.

If anyone is ever interested in starting a social or support group for lesbians in our Community, let me know and maybe we can bridge the gap so we can support each other in the future.

~The Lesbian Guru 

Please Subscribe  for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

“I thought I was all alone. I thought the world had turned its back on me. I stopped caring. I stopped believing in a love and began hiding for safety. All along you were beside me, fighting for me, showing your face to free me when all had been deafened by hate. I see you now, standing in front of me. Together we will change the angered walls into a roads of hope. My family. My friend.”

When I was 6 years old I had this massive crush on a girl named Victoria. She was so sweet and kind, I did not want to leave her side, she was my best friend. I remember telling my mom that I was in love with Victoria and that one day I would marry and take care of her. My mother smiled at me and gently whispered “that’s a long ways away but I bet you’ll do a good job!” My mom didn’t stop there, when I came out to her at 12 years old and told her I had all these feelings about being with a girl (actually I had already being experimenting, sorry mama!), again she surprised me with “love is a powerful emotion and you don’t get to choose the direction it’s grown in but you have the power to make it beautiful with whomever you feel it with.” If it wasn’t for her acceptance and love, I don’t believe I would be as proud of who I am today. That understanding and support is why I am comfortable in my skin and feel complete and whole as a Lesbian Woman. Unfortunately, I know not everyone is as lucky. I know for most of us that sharing who we are is a painful and sometimes isolating experience, and that’s why finding a support system that nurtures and protects us is one of the most important facets of a healthy human being.

My mother was a beautiful woman and if she were alive today I know she would be a proud mother of a Lesbian Woman, like so many friends and family that form PFLAG. Our support system is what makes us strong and helps us heal. To witness those we love the most in the world, fighting for our rights gives me goose bumps. There is no other love than someone standing up for you, letting the world know that who you are is important and deserves equality and a voice to be heard. Our support systems defines who we are and our environment, the less support the harder the journey. There are faceless people out in community that for no other reason then fairness stand beside you. Today, I want to thank all parents, family members, and friends who make that possible for us.

PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer). It has more than 200,000 members in over 500 communities in the USA. These individuals offer helplines, support groups, and resources for the LGBT community. They work hard at promoting health and well-being, aid in ending discrimination, and help secure equal civil rights. Our Queen Bee and greatest supporter in Columbia is a Lady Harriet Hancock, she is the proud mother who started the PFLAG Chapter in Columbia and helped push forward the Pride Movement in our beautiful city. Since learning of her son being gay she has worked hard to promote our rights and freedom. She is responsible for a lot of the advancement in our community here, we have a lot to be grateful for because of her. If you want to help support or are in need of guidance from this wonderful organization I have listed them as a resource and here are some upcoming events that can be viewed at: http://www.pflagmd.org/#events.

Being gay is not a choice, it’s who we are, and it’s our loving support systems that increase this awareness and self-worth within ourselves, our community and society. In a state that still has a negative view-point of what gay really means it’s going to be the help of supportive friends and family that will ease the pain and move us forward. By educating our community, more doors can be opened, greater opportunities will lay ahead and we can create a safer environment for us to live in. Coming out is hard enough but it does not need to be isolating, pull on your community, your gay “Family“. In addition, for those parents and friends confused and at a loss there is an opportunity to learn and love your gay family member with support from organizations and individuals like Ms. Harriet Hancock.

We all need to pull together it’s what makes people stronger, we are all linked and there are multiple obstacles that attempt to drag down our community. We need to be conscious of our impact on each other and in our Columbian Community. We must stand visibly together, and you can start today by being kind and open because after all it is Gay Awareness Month!

This article is dedicated to my mother , you were an amazing teacher and you are still helping me grow into a full person, even in death. I’d also like to say to Ms. Harriet Hancock, thank you for all your help and support. 

~The Lesbian Guru 

Please Subscribe  for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru