How to have amazing Lesbian Relationships, Love, Sex and Passion

Everyday I practice kindness, meditation and prayer. I am not particularly religious or empathetic like some nun but I find my serenity and peace in those three actions. It is in those moments I often find my answers to life and its importance.

Why should you care about what I do? You shouldn’t, you definitely do not need to as that is a choice. CHOICE. What a word. There are days I hate that word, especially when those around me have absolutely no idea how to practice it. Everyday I am confronted by the challenge of making choices, the right ones of course and yet everyday I meet people or receive emails that share little acknowledgement of the very thing that makes us human, that gives us will power. Yes the will to have power to change our course, to make things right, and have a new start.

I find people are so terrified by this knowledge that they would rather give their power to others or choose not to practice it all. For example staying in a relationship for years even though it’s a mediocre comfort, its safe rather than CHOOSE to be with someone that loves you fully completely or even embrace being single. When I ask people “why don’t you try something different? You’re living half a life! Don’t you want to feel safe and at the same time experience daily passion and love by another?” the sad response is often “This is all I know” or “She knows me its safe” or my favorite “it will be different this time.”

Choosing is not always about standing still and letting the ground swallow you whole. Choosing often means knowing when to let go and set yourself on a different path as frightening as that may seem and as lonely as you may not want to feel. How else would growth happen? How else would you ever learn of love, compassion, trust and friendship? You learn things through change, you learn often through suffering and pain because the discomfort is enough to project you out of the shell or cocoon you have grown to big for.

Please, please my Loves don’t fucking settle. Never settle! Life is short and yes there are many people worth fighting for but there are equally many that need to be set free. You need to surrender your pride and fears and release what has never been yours to begin with. How do you know it’s not yours? Well because nothing is. Everything is an experience that we share with others and the universe.

Live fully and completely. Wake up every morning with the power that today is the day for change to practice happiness and love through decisions and choices you make. Take responsibility for your life and be empowered.

Change. Here is how or at least a start:

1. Have faith and jump. Take a leap into the unknown and see what adventure is waiting for you.  It might be a new relationship, hobby, job, or moving to another country. Believe in your power and how amazing you are.
2. Take care of yourself first. Practice daily rituals that say I love you and it can be as simple as five minutes of deep breathing where you open your lungs and fill your body with the healing power of oxygen (simple right?).
3. Be yourself. Yes You. I want to know you and all the weird, crazy, quirky, funny and not so charming things that make you.
4. Stop expecting the worst because unfortunately that’s exactly what will happen. Expect the best, that you deserve the best. You might not always get it but it sure as hell beats being anxious all the time waiting for shit to hit you.
5. There is no such thing as failure. Yes I fucking said it and you better listen you have never FAILED absolutely fucking NEVER. You could not have because you are learning and that’s how we develop, when a baby is learning to walk and falls do we yell at it call it names and talk down to the baby. No we get excited we start clamping and motivating the child to repeat the action and get better at it. We are excited. Be excited to learn.
6. Stop telling me what you don’t want. You’re focusing just on that. Stop and look the other way and tell me what you want. Say it all the time out loud!
7. Show up, be accountable, and stay motivated. Always remember “What do I want?”
8. Give yourself permission to be happy, free, in love, and even sad. Its okay you have earned it by making it this far!
9. Forgive. That does not mean saying its okay how others have hurt you but it does mean letting it go so it can heal.
10. Be firm in what you will tolerate. You don’t have to be everyone’s doormat. I will not tolerate abuse of any kind, and that’s final!
11. Set goals outside you comfort zone. Reach for the impossible with passion and energy. Stop settling or living like a zombie because it’s all you think you deserve or need.
12. Fear. Unless you are being chased by a freaking dinosaur stop letting fear control you and take over your life. Be a warrior there is absolutely nothing to fear because you have no control over the world only the choices you make in the chaos of life (it’s all in your head)!

You are amazing! No one could tell me any different. I don’t care what you have done in your past I only care what you will do with your future. You are amazing! Because out of all the sperm that shot out of your dad you are the one that won the race. You are amazing! Because out of the nine months it takes to create a life you survived. You are amazing! Because you got through childhood and adolescence the hardest stage of development and kept on moving and growing. You are amazing and I want to thank you for your life and presence because without you I wouldn’t be here too because you are my doctor, nurse, waitress, chef, courier, police office, plumber, cashier, banker, a person I share space with.

You are amazing and I need you so transform into who you want to be so you can share that feeling of how amazing you are with me.

~The Lesbian Guru

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

I rarely leave my comfort zone but unfortunately with my graduate degree and work schedule, I am pushed often to make contact with the world. Truth be told, social gathering and networking are the most anxiety provoking experiences I have to endure and I hate making conversation. 

Usually it has nothing to do with the people or the fact that I am a gay woman, it is due in most part to the fact that I feel either invisible or like a fraud. 

Straight women will have difficulty understanding this concept and there are a lot of gay women that won’t ever feel this but when some of us venture out we look indistinguishable to our own and it can be very lonely. 

This week I have been away in Santa Barbara for my PhD Orientation. I was thinking, this will be an amazing opportunity to meet my academic peers and also to meet fellow LGBT following the same career course. I also made the assumption that because I was in California there would be a wealth of my community running around. 

That was not the case, and in fact there were some truths I learned that hurt and that felt unfair. First I was reminded that just because I am gay, most often gay women will stay away. I am still trying to figure that out, because it could be my own lack of interpersonal skills that drives them away but I have often found that gay women have straight friends and/or girlfriends whom at some point were ex-girlfriends or friends with benefits where funds have dried out. 

This truth for me is really upsetting and also annoys me because I feel pushed aside by my own community due to my sexuality, not to mention the assumption that I would ever want to have sex with you just because your gay. I have basically been discriminated against by the lesbian nation before they have even come to know my nature and decided that I must be a sex hungry girlfriend stealing woman. 

I have become so jaded and disappointed that friendships are not formed due those assumptions, and that they are formulated by insecurities and past hurts. Then again I might be just that annoying and boring that they are just turned off by the mere sight of me. I really do not know what else I could attribute to my lack of lesbian friends.

The second truth I learned is that I really do not look gay and that people will never get over that fact and that there will always be shocked faces when I say it. It is so freaking frustrating to have to state that part, of which you are, (and most butch and androgynous women will not have to endure this invisibility cloak) but for me it is a daily battle. 

I was even told this week “I would have never guessed,” and although it was said in a polite and playful manner it was still a reminder that there is a part of me that I love and want to share with the world that is hidden. 

Now you might think, Alex what’s the big deal and who cares, just be happy with who you are! The truth is that I am very happy with whom I am but I am often unable to fully demonstrate it. Seeming straight often puts you in the predicament of not being taken seriously as a Gay woman because overt discrimination is something we may not face. We get hit on by men who may assume that we are playing hard to get or think that saying we are a lesbian is a turn on, and worst of all it is really freaking hard to get a date with a woman! 

Even this week I went to three gay bars and in all three I got hit on by men and not a single woman… in a freaking GAY CLUB! My childhood best friend was laughing so hard I thought she was going to wet herself.  Even she agrees that looking straight in a gay world is a disadvantage or that maybe I need a make over. 

I just wish for one day I did not feel like I have to come out and say “Hello, I am Lesbian, that wants to be seen for who I am.” I don’t feel like a butch and do not want to have to change my shell to fit a mold, but sometimes, most times, I just want to be seen in my community and not walked past. Maybe it is this craving that drives me to connect with the LGBTQ world and advocate for our needs as often I feel mine are unmet. Okay I know I am being a big cry baby, but I do really want to know how do you feel?  

~The Lesbian Guru

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

Lying in bed with my baby beside me, I  feel her little body wiggling underneath the blanket. I love her so much, a love deeper then any other I have ever known. I am left unsettled with the fact that I may leave this world behind, leaving my child alone in it. 

As dark as it sounds, and maybe provoked by the anniversary of my mother’s death, I often cry at the thought of dying and leaving her in this mess of a planet. This is a scary world where others, most, live in terms of their beliefs no matter how unrealistic or skewed. 

This week surprisingly has brought about many dark impressions into my thoughts. On Monday my daughter fell and hit her head on a corner, so hard that it left a mark and bruise. Now I know that this may seem like a little booboo, especially to those with two or more kids, but I have lost my whole family so little booboos are counted as catastrophes in my mind. 

I slept horribly that night, in fact I had a dream about my mother and she was telling me that my daughter had been taken in for surgery due to a compressed spine? I am not even sure if that is a condition but I woke up in cold sweats and in pain. It’s rare for me to dream of her but to see her and to hear that news shook my soul. 

Then on Tuesday while I was listening to Out News on Sirius Fm (of course I listen to gay radio all day long, I am gay for heaven sakes, it’s all I know!) I crushed the polyester cup in my hands which lead to a diet Pepsi exploding all over my brand NEW (5 months old) car. I mean it went everywhere! Why, because I wasn’t paying attention and was completely side tracked by the fact that two marines who hit a gay man in the state of Georgia  are not going to receive any punitive action because throwing a punch for someone looking at you in a “gay way” is not considered a hate crime. Really! 

What is considered a hate crime? Does someone have to die? Because this kid loss consciousness and in my profession that is a very dangerous medical condition, and that still was not aggressive enough in the laws eyes to act upon as a HATEFUL crime! Well thanks to the marines there is a nice diet Pepsi stain covering my upholstery. I wonder if me kicking them in the balls for upsetting me enough to damage my car counts as a hate crime or as aggressive in nature because after all, those two straight guys did make me angry. 

What if  I began kicking and punching random people when I did not like the way they looked at me. Whenever I go out I have men approaching me, asking me out, and I tell them, “sorry I am gay, so you can take those eyes you have plastered on my tits away.” Do they listen? Often not, they continue to look at me or “harass” me thinking maybe I am playing hard to get. What if I just punched them unconscious for looking at me! I can see it now on the news “Angry Lesbian beats Straight Man in a Hate Crime.” 

Or what about that show 20/20 that does a segment called “what would you do?” (I think that’s what it’s called as I don’t own a TV and saw it on youtube.) It reported that over 40 states have the LEGAL right not to serve homosexuals. Are you fucking kidding me? 

Why don’t you tattoo us with permanent logos to identify us, stick us in special areas where we live together and you can better control our numbers, and make sure that within society you designate where we can eat, shit and sleep so we don’t upset your kind with our filthy ways? I mean, is that not what history has shown us, that minority groups are just that, the MINORITY. 

The majority makes the rules and states the conditions and then everyone follows like good dumb sheep. Well I am not a sheep, and my child will not be raised to be a sheep. Please don’t be a sheep, and don’t hide either. There is no time for that because you may think that we, as humans, will never hurt people that way, but turn on the news, and you will see how little care some people have for others and those that have power will abuse it. 

We need to stand together as an LGBT nation, as one, not as separate entities working selfishly for our own needs being judges and gods. No more should we isolate or hide, but communicate and learn to love one another as a community that is strongly linked and working together for a future that is bright. 

I don’t want my baby girl to grow up in this world where we men and women hurt each other because of who we are and love. I don’t want her to be ashamed of me or hide me from those in her life because she may be hurt or rejected. Will you help me? 

Will you hold my hand? Will you hold my daughters hand so that she has a village behind her, one that understands her struggles and needs? Will you connect with me today so we can be better together tomorrow? 

I am not going anywhere… just waiting for you to make your move. I have told you what I need. 

~The Lesbian Guru 

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