How to have amazing Lesbian Relationships, Love, Sex and Passion

Therapist: “What brings you in today?”

Love Sick Lesbian (LSL): “I can’t take it anymore…I love her so much but she plays with my heart…”

Therapist: “Tell me more about this Love.”

LSL: “It has been going on for years and I don’t know how to get over it… I don’t know if this is love or an obsession… or am I just crazy?”

Therapist : “Maybe it’s all of the above… mixed in with a little Infatuation.”

LSL: “Help me. Can you please help me get over her?”

Funny? It is not meant to be. Everyday I get at least one email from a woman sharing this exact thought process. She is telling me in great detail about a woman sometimes even more than one she cannot let go of and has been holding on for months if not years. It’s unimaginable the time and energy we put into our “unforgettable” loves. UNIMAGINABLE, not only in feelings and emotions but sometimes sacrificing other relationships with others and financial goals.

You could possibly define it as going crazy on some narcotic, and you would not be too far from the truth. Yet, just like a drug we will allow it to consume us until we have reached the very limits of space… until without a doubt we can truly believe there is no hope with that woman. Sometimes that road is endless as glimmers of hope are always within reach, so how do we get over this infatuating toxic relationship?

Infatuation is very different to love and presents itself as feelings that could not possibly be confused with a committed and loving love. When we are infatuated we a filled with feelings ofuncertainty and panic, lust is at full throttle, and excitement overwhelms us, we are impatient and easily ignited into jealousy.

When we are infatuated we are almost in a sense overdosed with love and are having a sever reaction. None of us can say we are happy while in that zone as we are filled with feelings of doubt and mistrust for our “toxic love.” We can become so consumed that misery takes over and interferes in other areas of life: work, family, and friends. Often we are overpowered by sexual urges and needs that scream to be fulfilled.

Why do we go crazy? Because when you meet a woman you are attracted too you have a surge of energy that occurs in your brain stimulating the parts that are responsible for feelings of euphoria and forming attachment. However, as nice as this may sound, just like an addict we become tolerant of this energy and start chasing the new high! Some of us jump from one relationship to another. Others create drama (Lesbian Drama Mamas) and self-sabotage to build new highs (Psychodykos), or move on hurt and less trusting than before (Les Runners), only to fall in a similar hole later. See any words you can identify with?

How can we avoid this vicious circle of toxic love? Simple, you have to ride the river towards romantic love. In other words, you have to change the way you express it. We are so eager we get caught up in a moment that last months or years. We forget about experiencing the feeling and allowing them to move through us. Instead we hold on and end up suffocating on our feelings and become disillusioned with romance and relationships.

Love Sick Diet

1. Take time to know someone and trust them.
2. Enjoy the moment for what it is “A Moment in Time vs I Want this FOREVER.”
3. Always have a supportive environment and use them when in doubt or hurting.
4. Look at yourself. Examine your template of love.
5. Talk to a counselor about co-dependency issues and difficulty with letting go.
6. Most importantly know your worth and believe that it is worth sharing with the right person at the right time and that your “Infatuation” may just not be it (and that’s perfectly okay.)
    

~The Lesbian Guru

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or  just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.

I rarely leave my comfort zone but unfortunately with my graduate degree and work schedule, I am pushed often to make contact with the world. Truth be told, social gathering and networking are the most anxiety provoking experiences I have to endure and I hate making conversation. 

Usually it has nothing to do with the people or the fact that I am a gay woman, it is due in most part to the fact that I feel either invisible or like a fraud. 

Straight women will have difficulty understanding this concept and there are a lot of gay women that won’t ever feel this but when some of us venture out we look indistinguishable to our own and it can be very lonely. 

This week I have been away in Santa Barbara for my PhD Orientation. I was thinking, this will be an amazing opportunity to meet my academic peers and also to meet fellow LGBT following the same career course. I also made the assumption that because I was in California there would be a wealth of my community running around. 

That was not the case, and in fact there were some truths I learned that hurt and that felt unfair. First I was reminded that just because I am gay, most often gay women will stay away. I am still trying to figure that out, because it could be my own lack of interpersonal skills that drives them away but I have often found that gay women have straight friends and/or girlfriends whom at some point were ex-girlfriends or friends with benefits where funds have dried out. 

This truth for me is really upsetting and also annoys me because I feel pushed aside by my own community due to my sexuality, not to mention the assumption that I would ever want to have sex with you just because your gay. I have basically been discriminated against by the lesbian nation before they have even come to know my nature and decided that I must be a sex hungry girlfriend stealing woman. 

I have become so jaded and disappointed that friendships are not formed due those assumptions, and that they are formulated by insecurities and past hurts. Then again I might be just that annoying and boring that they are just turned off by the mere sight of me. I really do not know what else I could attribute to my lack of lesbian friends.

The second truth I learned is that I really do not look gay and that people will never get over that fact and that there will always be shocked faces when I say it. It is so freaking frustrating to have to state that part, of which you are, (and most butch and androgynous women will not have to endure this invisibility cloak) but for me it is a daily battle. 

I was even told this week “I would have never guessed,” and although it was said in a polite and playful manner it was still a reminder that there is a part of me that I love and want to share with the world that is hidden. 

Now you might think, Alex what’s the big deal and who cares, just be happy with who you are! The truth is that I am very happy with whom I am but I am often unable to fully demonstrate it. Seeming straight often puts you in the predicament of not being taken seriously as a Gay woman because overt discrimination is something we may not face. We get hit on by men who may assume that we are playing hard to get or think that saying we are a lesbian is a turn on, and worst of all it is really freaking hard to get a date with a woman! 

Even this week I went to three gay bars and in all three I got hit on by men and not a single woman… in a freaking GAY CLUB! My childhood best friend was laughing so hard I thought she was going to wet herself.  Even she agrees that looking straight in a gay world is a disadvantage or that maybe I need a make over. 

I just wish for one day I did not feel like I have to come out and say “Hello, I am Lesbian, that wants to be seen for who I am.” I don’t feel like a butch and do not want to have to change my shell to fit a mold, but sometimes, most times, I just want to be seen in my community and not walked past. Maybe it is this craving that drives me to connect with the LGBTQ world and advocate for our needs as often I feel mine are unmet. Okay I know I am being a big cry baby, but I do really want to know how do you feel?  

~The Lesbian Guru

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

All night, all I got from my two companions and supporters for the evening was “wow, you’re really not yourself. Are you okay?” After the hundredth time of saying that I am alright I tried to bounce out of my head but I had already become hyper vigilant to my environment and to the people who surrounded me.

Comfortable in my body, bound and changed through the use of duct tape and props but not with the person who was inhabiting it.  I can only imagine the experience being the opposite for an individual who is transgender, to know the person but not being able to fit in the body.

I have always had a great admiration for the transgender population, I have felt that they have been at the fore front of the attacks from the heterosexual community and for much of our time on this planet they have been misunderstood, ignored, abused, victimized, and treated unkindly. This has not only been from our straight counterparts but from the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community.

I do think that things are getting better on the LGB side and that we are attempting to include and educate each other; however transgendered people are still abused and harmed on a regular basis from the world in general. Unlike some of us that chose to be in the closet, we only have to hide our sexuality, but what about when it’s your body you are changing and do not fit into? There is no hiding when you know that your body and person/mind don’t belong with one another.

Like two puzzle pieces that fit together we take for granted the beautifully choreographed dance of our body and mind merging, but for Trans people there is no dance but a battle. I think it’s ironic that more people do not get it, everyday individuals struggle with body weight and disease and feel that they’re bodies have failed them and wished they could change it. Is this so different or hard to understand that someone may feel that they’re body is not rightly shaped and that in order to feel whole it would have to change. We are consistently being forced to see are selves in a one dimensional view point: you have a vagina so therefore you are a female, hence you need to reproduce and like pink!  Well boxes are great for carrying and storing things, but people are far too brilliantly complicated to fit into one box.

Biology is not perfect, and the universe was not created on perfection but the beauty of uniqueness and interconnectedness. So my mission was to interconnect, get uncomfortable and change.

So here was my experience: the night started with laughs and giggles and at first when I got in the car with a slightly itchy crotch and two lesbians teasing me, I was actually feeling pretty good. I was even beginning to feel the male part of my personality come up to the surface, like he had been hiding and remaining quiet all this time in the background.

That feeling lasted all of about 10 minutes, as soon as I walked into the restaurant and the three girls sitting waiting for their table looked at me in disgust, then I felt about two-feet tall.

I was either met with invisible indifference or questioning dirty looks, and honestly it was not the straight people that really got to me but the unresponsiveness of my LBG community.

I thought that for the first time I would be recognized as a person who is attracted to women, but alas I felt invisible (I might just be that ugly and have not yet surfaced out of denial!)

As a Lesbian that is described as femme, which often means “you have that straight look,” I have often felt indistinguishable to my community. I pass as straight and have a child, so therefore I need to Come Out pretty much everyday of my life and am often looked over by my own community.

My friends think this is funny, and yes we have often all laughed at the fact that I am the most open of all of them and yet the most unseen in the lesbian hangouts. So when I had the courage to change and transform into my Lesbian Transgender self I was saddened to see I felt exposed to the straight world even more to be rejected upon but also that I was still very much unnoticed to Lesbians (maybe I was too cute and really did look too much like a straight guy! I can’t win!)

It definitely made me appreciate my body than I did before but I also value the discovery of the male side of me and the kindness and shy boy that lives inside my shell.

He is a pretty cute sweet guy and I don’t intend to keep him in hiding anymore!

Watch the videos to see the transformation as well as to have a good laugh!

Trans for Night 1/6,Trans for Night 2/6, Trans for Night 3/6, Trans for a Night 4/6 (Issues with the penis prop!), Trans for Night 5/6 (Loving the pecs! Well Ellen is loving them!), and Trans for a Night the aftermath 6/6.

Special thanks to Mac for the learning experience and showing me her world, as well to my close and dear friend Ellen for always keeping me smiling and supporting me and my crazy adventures (Holla back girl!)

~The Lesbian Guru

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