How to have amazing Lesbian Relationships, Love, Sex and Passion

Men must think I have some special powers or something because it is unbelievable how many sex questions I get from straight guys wanting to know how to please their lady. In fact it makes me giggle how admirable man are for coming to a lesbian for advice on sex. So this article is in honor of all my straight boys who have inspired and drove me on the quest to attain the most incredible mind altering orgasm!

Because you sweet lads want to make your ladies cum so hard that they pass out I thought it only fair I give the same information out to my wonderful Lesbian women… because after all we are talking about the vagina and Lesbians do love bowing to her grace and beauty (and screams!)

So let’s face it, there are a million if not more articles, books, videos, pretty much any media full of information that give you info on how to have an orgasm… and yet there are still ladies not achieving them and that is just not fair, so here is the low down on  the down under.

First of all cumming for women is not easy whether you are straight or gay. It takes a lot of energy and concentration, in fact if our mind is not in direct communication with our lady parts then usually the Big O will not happen. The world often makes it seem that it should just happen automatically and that everyone is capable of having an orgasm, but the reality is that a high proportion of women can’t climax at all.  

Young women especially find it to be a difficult task to reach, but what research has recently found out is that for women an orgasm is learned! Yup girls, you have to teach your body to cum! I know it is a bummer but here is the good news, once you have taught your body how to make it bounce and fly then you can keep on doing it and get better at it (One thing the boys cannot do! Multiple orgasms!)

The learning starts with a self-tutorial that means self-love and masturbation. This is a very important step in self exploration as it really allows you to learn about pressure and rhythms. Knowing exactly how to excite yourself is empowering and feels amazing! Once you know it then it is time to teach your play mate (aka lover).

As you get older and reach your thirties and above you will reach orgasm quite easily (Yeah for me!!!) However, if you are still having difficulty reaching orgasm after your thirties and you are in a loving and caring relationship I would seek professional help and get a physical to make sure everything is alright. There are a lot of biological, medical, social and psychological issues that could be preventing your orgasm and may be helped but you must ask for help first. For example, certain medications can alter the sexual energy of a person, like anti-depressants.

Okay, so how do I become a multi-orgasmic Lesbian? Easy, you need to give your vagina daily workouts, and by that I mean Kegle exercises.  You will recognize these muscles when you go to pee and are able to stop yourself. Having an awesome orgasm starts with contracting the pelvic muscle groups!

One of the most recommended and a used method is the Ben Wa balls. Ben Wa balls, also known as Burmese bells or Geisha balls are small, marble-sized balls, usually hollow and containing a small weight that rolls around and are used for sexual stimulation. Some may also be solid, or contain clappers or chimes within. Other larger versions made of plastic encasing lesser balls are called Duotone balls. More rare are the one contain a tiny vibrating metal tongue, giving a uniquely erotic sensation even at the slightest movement of hips or legs. They are used by inserting them into the vagina or anus and using muscles to hold them in, and movement to stimulate and vibrate.

Historian say that it’s origin is unknown but it’s primary use was a single ball placed in the vagina, used to enhance sex, but shortly evolved into multiple metal covered balls linked by either a chain or silk string for easy removal. Usage of Ben Wa balls creates a subtle stimulation, not meant to bring the user to immediate orgasm but rather to tease. It is possible to leave Ben Wa balls in one’s vagina all day, for sexual stimulation.

Ben Wa balls and other shaped vaginal weights are recommended by OB/GYN to increase vaginal elasticity and bladder control. Vaginal weights come in a cylindrical shape and are used in increasing weights to strengthen the vagina, which improves sexual performance. Mild urinary incontinence, such as that which occurs while coughing, laughing, or sneezing and occurs more often as women grow older, can be treated with Ben Wa balls, vaginal weights, or Kegel exercise.

Ben Wa Balls can also be used during intercourse to increase stimulation of both partners or in a combination with a vibrator. You can have your partner put on a strap on and have sex while you enjoy the stimulation of the Ben Wa Balls inside of you. 

When using Ben Wa Balls always use the restroom before inserting them in. Very similar to a tampon you glide one ball at the time and you can even put some lube on there to make the insertion easier. Once comfortably inside you, start squeezing your leg muscles together and your pelvic muscles together to hold the balls in. Hold the balls inside for at least 15 minutes a day or for hours for an increased workout!

 Ben Wa Balls and Sex on YouTube!

When done gently insert your finger inside your vagina and remove the balls one by one, if you have a hard time removing them just jump up and down, squeeze, cough, laugh, sit and bear down as if having a bowl movement, add more lube up there! Just remember not to panic…they cannot disappear! (I mean, where would they go?!)

 There is a lot of available equipment to help with your workout regime: 

Climax Kegels Ben Wa Balls with Silicone Strap

Pure Romance Ben Wa Balls (Silver Balls)

Blue Flower Glass Ben-Wa Balls

Original KEGELMASTER – Worlds First Progressive Resistance Vaginal Exerciser comes with Instructional DVD and Silk Storage Bag

 
Berman Juno Weighted Exerciser (glass is more sanitary and easier to clean!)

Kegel Exercise Weights

GyneFlex with VTP (R) – Regular Strength

Dr. Laura Berman Seen on Oprah, Juno Kegel Kit – Juno Intimate Basics Weighted Pelvic Exerciser Plus 50ml Bottle Lubexxx Body & Toy Lube 100% Condom Safe Silicone & Water Blend Lubricant and Berman Center Anti-bacterial Toy Cleaner!

Once you strengthen your muscle you should feel a difference in the way you experience an orgasm. You may then begin working on your external world. Start building your sexual side by:

1. Being creative in your foreplay, if it takes you longer to warm up get a head start by sending dirty text messages or leaving sexy voice mails. 
2. Word it out; tell your partner she’s doing it right or it feels good. Let her know what you want!
3. Hit all the right spots, the most amazing lesson I learned was that my whole body can be used as a sexual orgasm for pleasure. For example, you can rub your clitoris right on her pelvic bone or her coccyx, even use her nipple. It is all about exploring and having fun!
4. Become a risk taker. Play out your fantasies and make new memories that you can play over and over again in your head and get you excited for the next encounter with your lover!
5. Slowing it down builds it up. When you feel yourself getting close to climax, back off and start all over again. This can be done a few times and will intensify the orgasm.
6. Focus on your breathing. Try to breath in tandem with your partner. This will bring you closer and create intimacy which will intensify your orgasm as well.
7. Lastly RELAX, stress compromises your libido and sex drive. So take it easy and take care of yourself… the reward will be mind blowing!

So now that you know the recipe it’s time to get sweaty, I want to hear the planet screaming with satisfied Gay women!

~The Lesbian Guru

Please leave any questions, comments, or concerns below or  feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

You say love is a gut feeling, that it’s something that you just know? Then why doesn’t it always keep the intensity and relationship going? If it’s such a strong emotion, if who we are drawn too is so animalistic and uncontrollable then why doesn’t it always last?Attraction is just the initial trigger that pushes you into a relationship with another person, unfortunately it is not the main component that will maintain a healthy and fulfilling lesbian relationship. There are four important skills of a healthy relationship that have been studied and found in long-term relationships that have increased love and intimacy in couples. Knowledge and practice of these skills have been found to sustain couples through their hard times together, as well as allow for growth in the individual and the family system. Learning these four skills and putting them into action on a daily basis will increase the success of your relationship as well as maintain healthy boundaries and love for each other. Let’s explore these skills further.:

Vulnerability. I have seen people physically cringe when I have mentioned to them making themselves more vulnerable and open to the people in their life, especially their partners. We have this skewed understanding that we need to be perfect and do everything independently and be “okay” all the time. WOW, you must be exhausted attempting to do the impossible. Perfection is a big fat lie told to children and as adults we have had that tape recording in our heads on for so long we actually think we need to keep it rolling. Allowing your partner to be there and feel needed will bring you closer and support your love for each other. Letting your guard down to someone you love is a wonderful feeling, it allows for trust to be built which in turn increasing intimacy. However, if you struggle with all of the above and being close is a double edge sword, meaning being close is something you want but feel pain when you have it, I would suggest therapy to work on those issues. Again, self-care and opening up to a therapist will allow you a chance to learn skills for a healthy relationship!

Communication Skills. We are born with the ability to speak but not the skill to communicate, that is something that is learned over time. If you want to be heard by your partner then you need to know how to convey the message you want received. Always use “I” statements when sharing how you feel, “you” makes people defensive but if you take responsibility for how you feel then it belongs to you, so you have the power to change it. Another communication skill to learn is the WIN formula (When, I, Need), this is a very effective method of communicating with little conflict arising. It should go something like this, “When (the action that took place) you forgot to pay the bills the other day, I (feeling it gave you) felt scared, I need (how do you want it to change?) you to let me know if you need help with that or a reminder so we don’t fall behind.” It’s important you practice these skills daily so that when conflict arises you will be well prepared and it will come automatically. New skills can not be learned when angry or fighting!

Commitment. Not so much as a promise but as an agreement that needs to be followed through. Commitment allows trust and intimacy to develop and continue to grow. As I have mentioned in previous articles and to my clients, everyone should have personal rules, such as no violence will be tolerated towards me. We also need relationship rules, agreements that you and your partner have come up with together in order to foster love and respect. That is all commitment! Without commitment to those rules chaos is created as well as the opportunity for either you and/or your partner to get hurt. It’s important that you both sit down and discuss expectations and what you are able to provide to the relationship. For some it may be staying faithful to your partner, for others it may be having an open relationship but one where affairs are discussed and agreed upon. As long as your open and truthful you are committing to that person.

Accommodation. The definition of accommodation is voluntarily changing ones behavior to meet the other person’s needs. It can be preformed in endless ways, however many choose not to accommodate their partners due to pride, selfishness and anger. When someone can change certain aspects of their behavior for the better of the relationship not only the relationship flourishes but you grow as a person. This is different from saying “yes” to everything and being a doormat, I am not suggesting you get used but discern what would be healthy for both your relationship and yourself. For example, my ex-girlfriend who enjoyed heavy metal music would only play it when our two-year old was at day care or out with me as I had shared it was something I did not feel comfortable having my toddler listen too. As hard as this was for her she was able to change, and found time to listen to her music, and when we were together as a family she would play music we could all enjoy. I felt very loved and most of all we both could enjoy time together with music we loved to dance and sing to with our little girl.

There are exercises that you can have fun with and experiment with that promote intimacy and closeness. I suggest you try them with friends, family, and/or your partner. They are a lot of fun and they will give you a glimpse of how we can connect on a deeper level!

• Two as One: Embrace each other and begin to synchronize your breathing for a few minutes. Feel like your breathing as one!
• Soul Gazing: Create a distance about two feet away from each other and look deeply into each other’s eyes. Go deep into their eyes, for about two minutes then share your experience.
• Monkey Love: Standing or sitting close together, one of you starts to move hands, arms, and legs while the other person imitates you. You will be linked together through movement.
• Secret Swapping: Write down your secrets and then trade papers and share what you have read.
• Let me Inside: Stand or sit about 4 feet away and every 10 seconds move closer until you have reached the individuals personal space (18 inched away from their body)
• Falling in Love: You are making yourself vulnerable here but trusting that the person will catch you as you let yourself fall backwards into their arms. Repeat this exercise several times. Research found that strangers who do this exercise feel connected to each other years later.
• Mind-Reading Game: Write down a thought you want to convey and then try without words to convey this to her while she tries to guess it. If she can not guess it then reveal the thought and swap roles.
• Love Aura: Place the palm of your hands as close together as possible but without touching. For several minutes you should begin to feel warmth and energy. A connection without touch!

Watch the video to see how it’s done and also you’ll have a little bit of a laugh! The Lesbian Science of Love

These are all fun experiments to try to help you get closer, but love comes with time. It could be life changing to stop leaving your love for someone up to chance and actually take charge by changing the way you relate to them and how you view relationships in general. Who knows maybe when you change an old recipe for the new and improved one, the result might magnificent!

~The Lesbian Guru

Please Subscribe above for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

“I’m not supposed to love you, I’m not supposed to care, I’m not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I’m not supposed to wonder where you are or what you’re doing, but I can’t help it, because I’m in love with you.” Still.

Breaking up is so painful and there is no quick and easy way to do it or get over it. One of the biggest struggles we all deal with as individuals and why so many enter into therapy is dealing with Loss. We become attached and start to have a sense of belonging. We grow roots into each other, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or a lover, it hurts when we are ripped away. I’ve often described break ups like a death, because what once was is no more and can not be the same ever again. I think it so painful when Lesbians do break up because we are emotionally driven and form such a unique bond with each other; you mix sex with that and it’s a whole different level. Not to say that any other group would feel less pain or that all women feel that way, I don’t know, all I can do is describe how it feels in a generalized sense from a woman to woman perspective.

Sometimes we can remain friends, in fact in our community we really try too. It’s very common in lesbian circles that your best friend at some point was your ex lover, and if that works for you that’s fine. It sometimes can make the separation all the more painful and difficult. Sometimes walking away and readjusting to change is far healthier and vital for a new future relationship. The past, if kept to close can bring about doubt and guilt. The longer you have been with someone the more history, but that doesn’t mean you need to hold on to it like it belongs to you. In fact, that is where people get lost and hopeless. Why do we have such a difficult time letting go? Well because some people have an unconscious (sometimes very conscious!) belief that people belong to them.

When I was growing up and had one of my first heart breaks my mother asked me what I was so upset about, I told her “I thought we always would be there for each other, I thought she was mine and I was hers.” My mother looked at me and asked “Is she an object? Did you purchase her? Did God give her to you?” “No! Of course not.” “Well then can people belong to us and when they were with you did they really belong to you?” Of course I said “Yes, if you tell me that then I believe you.” “Well, then for how long?” I started getting frustrated “I don’t know, for as long as you tell me, maybe forever!” My mother smiled and taught me some important principles that day that I would like to share with you. That day I learned there is no forever because we die, and everything comes to a full circle like the planets circling the sun. That day I learned we only share each other in moments, and that for different reasons those moments will end or change and may begin again but should never be with the intention of ownership but shared love and respect. I learned that loss happens in stages and that my journey in life is a little like sitting on a log and going with the flow of a river, I have to submit to the journey. I don’t get to set the journey, I just need to decide that I will take it and the experiences it has to offer. I tell my clients this all the time, “You can get off the log and try to control the mighty river of life, and you will drown from fatigue (which usually looks like depression, substance abuse, and hopelessness) or you can stay on the log and just believe. You believe that things will happen and that the journey will be hard but knowing that in between those moments of hardship there will be a return for a while to more peaceful times.”

Here are some things you can do to ease the pain of loss:

• Spring clean and redecorate change your home around, make it new a fresh. Make it yours again!
• Get rid of her clothes left behind (and anything else.)
• Bring your friends close. Go for coffee, dinner, and cry to them. My thing is I call my best friends and I will say “Give me 10 minutes, I just need to cry it out and know your on the other side.”
• Write your feeling, thoughts, and wishes. Even write a good-bye letter and burn it (trust me on this one it feels so good).
• Be kind and patient with yourself. I have that written down on my mirror with a crayon. So I never forget my worth to myself and others.

Being a lesbian is isolating at times, especially in a small city with such a small availability of support, it can be extremely lonely. If any of you have watched If Theses Walls Could Talk 2, you know what I mean when I say people just don’t always get why we hurt so bad when we are left. I mean after all we are gay and we can just easily find some other woman, right? The bond a homosexual relationship has when developed and/or broken can often be overlooked by the straight community because of the lack of understand of same-sex couples, it’s not that easy! People don’t always get that our choices are limited and that we become not only lovers, but a family member and a best friend. When society, families and communities have shut us out sometimes our lover is the only person that gets us and is standing beside us in our time of need.

If anyone is ever interested in starting a social or support group for lesbians in our Community, let me know and maybe we can bridge the gap so we can support each other in the future.

~The Lesbian Guru 

Please Subscribe  for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru