Coming Out with The Lesbian Guru
Coming out Lesbians! This is a celebration of your true identity being unveiled and released into the world. I wish there were a more beautiful and transformational term to refer to the process of developing and sharing your sexual orientation. I believe if it were a more affirmative term it would create a more positive and hopeful experience. Words have a powerful and energetic effect on people when said, thought, and expressed.
Everyone’s coming out story is so unique, an imprint on our life’s journey, so powerful it can have a life altering effect on where it leads us in our future and how we perceive the world and those we hold closest to us. For some lesbian’s coming out is met with love and support, as well as “yeah, everyone knew already.”
I was so frightened to tell my sister, the only family I had, that I was going to be exclusively with women and that I figured out why I could not connect with men as much as I tried, “I am Gay!” Her response was witty and dry as always to her true form, “Babes, I don’t know about you but if you’ve been looking under girls skirts since you were six you probably are Gay!” We both laughed and that was the end of it, now she is the most supportive and loving person in my life and I get to enjoy being completely true to who I am with her.
This is not to say that all my “Yes I’m a homo” experiences have been as pleasant. Coming out is a long and difficult struggle and will often be met with a lot of resistance? In fact I had a couple of childhood female friends that became angry with me. They thought that during our friendship I may have secretly desired them and didn’t tell them. I was shocked, mostly because if I want something I go for it, but also because I realized that people could be so quick to judge homosexuality as just an uncontrollable desire to have sex or want to have sex with everything that has a vagina if you are a lesbian or a penis if your gay man.
You may encounter a lot of stereotyping and homophobia during this time, so be aware and prepared that not everyone will be happy for you or want to know you, and that’s OKAY. Now don’t get mad, but if you have the right to have beliefs and values so does everyone else, so if a friend or family member decided that who you are goes against their belief system and walks away you need to respect that. As wrong as it may be or seem, that is their choice. It is sad that they will be losing out on someone amazing but sometimes people need a time out to get the bigger picture and will eventually return and sometimes they won’t!
It will be hard not to internalize this abandonment, but I don’t want you to forget that people are responsible for the choices they make and that if someone has a problem “it’s their freaking problem”, not yours. I have seen so many LGBT become resentful and angry at those who do not or cannot understand us but that’s a form of self- punishment for who you are. You are beautiful even when others don’t see it!
If we fight for equality and a right to be who we are, we also need to respect that people have the right not to agree. I am still going to bitch and moan until the sun goes down on getting civil rights but I will always respect someone that chooses not to be in my life because I am gay. Why? Because it’s not my problem and I would definitely rather have people in my life that want me just the way I am! Keeping secrets is exhausting and leads to depression and anxiety, so decide what you are prepared to live with.
Presenting your Charming and Magnificent gay side of who you are (there is a lot more than just being gay that makes you unique) shows a positive identity and attitude towards being a LGBT. For some this will be a lifelong passage where as for others they will embrace their orientation straight away. You may have to deal with your own homophobia and explore feelings of guilt, shame, loathing, anger and intolerance. During your self-discovery there will be hopefully a development of feelings of enjoyment and wonder of what being gay is all about.
I have learned this much on my journey, that if I want people to change and be open to homosexuality I am going to have to educate and make them aware of the stereotypes and myths. Once you put doubt in someone’s fears, that they may not be true, you leave an opening for growth and curiosity! We are teachers and representatives of a minority group, for us to be supported and loved we need to make aware that we are here and explain the truth of who we are! We also need to be supportive and available for each other, our LGBT “family” because whether you like it or not you belong to a network, one that understands the struggles so use it as a support system.
I encourage and suggest that those struggling with their identity to go see a therapist and start working on building a positive self image and feelings surrounding coming out. You will be able to express your feelings openly and have a licensed therapist work through them with you. Coming Out with The Lesbian Guru on YouTube
If there is at any time thoughts of suicide seek help immediately and call 911. Suicide is not an answer or solution, just a hurtful action. Please talk to someone!
Dedicated to Miss G, thank you for reading and sharing your story with me.
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