How to have amazing Lesbian Relationships, Love, Sex and Passion

We all get depressed and have moments where the wave of sadness seems to have hit us and decided to linger. Depression is one of those emotions that if you don’t tell it to leave and move on, it will start to take shape and become that friend that has no boundaries and has decided to move in!

You can’t always predict when you will get depressed, and when it comes unannounced it can be the hardest feeling to overcome. Many things can trigger depression, examples include feelings of loss and sadness. There are the obvious ones, like the death of a friend or family member, job problems, financial stress, mental illness, unhappy relationships, breaking up, etc… Depression can also be attributed to your hormones, having your premenstrual cycle, thyroid problems, poor diet, lack of exercise, poor sleep, stress, anger, resentment, jealousy, low-self esteem, using drugs and alcohol, etc… a lot of people, places and things can contribute to our depression. Watch Depression with The Lesbian Guru on YouTube

Lesbians and LGBTs as a whole may be more at risk for developing depression, due to living in a homophobic society, facing rejection from one’s family, not having equal legal recognition of relationships, being closeted in all areas of one’s life or simply in one, using substances abusively, and lacking equal health insurance benefits – all are risk factors for depression in LGBTs. 

It is very important you learn what triggers your depression and ways of coping, the more tools you are able to build the easier it will be to manage in a health way. Here are some tips to try and alleviate the feelings.

1. Read! Get lost in a book and your imagination, when I was recovering from a painful break up my friend gave me this erotic lesbian book. I laughed when she gave it to me, as my sexual and sensual side is usually in full force but seemed to be on strike, she said it would keep my passion oxygenated until I found love again and by then I may have learned a few more tricks (It worked like magic!). 
2. Change your routine. When I get bored that’s when I get anxious which soon leads to depression and me going on spending sprees with money I don’t have! So now I have learned to change things around and keep things interesting, for example last night I had dessert before dinner and I took a new way home coming back from work. It keeps your mind active and your brain on it’s toes!
3. Make plans! Depression keeps you home bound and isolated, so make plans to see people and go out even if it’s by yourself. I love getting my music in my ears and walking by the river, it’s so peaceful.
4. If you have OCD like me then you will completely understand this one! Spring Clean and organize, there is nothing more relaxing then seeing my house all nice and clean and having big garbage bags filled with goodwill stuff. I killed two birds with one stone, my home feels clean and beautiful and I have given back to others!
5. Get some sleep and rest. Now I do not want you in bed all day and night, that’s depression at it’s worst, but get into a routine where you go to bed at the same time and wake up in the morning at the same time. More than 10 hours of sleep though is usually a little too much but everyone is different.
6. Express who you are! I love to paint and write (of course!) and those two things help me release energy and express myself in a healthy way… but I have also been known to wear crazy outfits and go for a walk just because I love seeing the shocked faces of my conservative voyeurs! It brings out the naughty in me and I get a giggle out of it!
7. Hang out in a group or build your own community. Being around others keeps your mind and soul intact and helps us forget our worries by having a support system.
8. Share your feelings either in a journal or talking to someone, let go of what is troubling you. There is nothing better than a good bitch session. In fact I had one last night with a girlfriend of mine and I slept like a baby, to have her there and laugh with me made everything less larger than life (Thank you Alison)!
9. Do not catastrophes. Making the world your enemy does not make anything better and just because you feel like this today does not mean you will feel like this tomorrow!  
10. When we get depressed we begin digging a hole so stay focused on what makes you feel good and making goals towards that.  It starts with asking for help and helping yourself! 
     

Lastly, if it does not get better after two weeks or gets worse go talk to a professional. Depression and Anxiety are very treatable and often with the right therapy you will be back to feeling more stable! The Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists (www.aglp.org) and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (www.glma.org) can help with referrals. Your insurance company can also be a referral source; many managed care plans actually require that they be contacted by you if you are in need of a mental health referral before you schedule an appointment with a clinician.

If ever you begin feeling suicidal or have thoughts or hurting yourself or someone else please call 911 immediately or go to the closest ER.

My Suicide Note on YouTube

~The Lesbian Guru

 Please Subscribe  for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

Ever feel at a loss? Are you completely consumed by life demands? At times it feels like we are on a stage and everyone is watching us fail! We have a sense of lose, as if it is within reach but like a toy that’s been taken by the ocean’s current it has slipped away.

Every relationship has left a trace, maybe even jaded our view of life and love to a point where even if perfection was to walk in it would seem impossible to see her! Or maybe even want her. Why want what you can’t have or ever keep.

You go out and every woman looks the same, every woman sounds the same, so familiar on the surface nothing has changed.  We have the same discussion with different faces and hear the same empty promises and speech of lost loves and new beginnings. 

We have become committed to finding a partner so badly that for most of us friendships have been put aside, until that someone comes along. Others of us have been in relationships where being with one another was sufficient and slowly isolated you from the world. Friendship, the unconditional love we have for what once was a stranger is the equivalent to oxygen in a healthy person.

Lesbians have difficulty maintaining friendships with other lesbians. In fact, I always get a distrustful look when I tell women that all I want is a lesbian friendship from them or that I have not slept with any of my friends. Maybe I am plagued with an ideal that a love of a friend shouldn’t be cluttered by sexual advances or memories that often skew intentions and bonds. Not to say I have ex’s whom aren’t my friends but it’s different to a friend that I have shared secrets, dreams and fears without any vulnerability of sex interfering in the connection.

Then again I am an idealist and as such I think big without focusing on detail, so it may all be crap, so here are some ways to build friendships simply because it is good for you to have that kind of love! 

• Start or join a Club, it does not matter what kind just as long as you’re passionate and have an interest. It could be a book club, chess, or some kind of activity. I used to love going to my knitting group, I can’t knit to save my life and never actually made anything but I loved listening and spending time with those ladies.
• Volunteer, you will be doing something for another without a reward and building connections with people you may have never encountered. I suggest you begin with our community; we are in need of volunteers at local LGBT centers.
• Online, it can be safe if used widely and you will make friends globally!
• Go to a meeting, if you’re into any kind of recovery get to a meeting, There is alcoholics (AA), narcotics (NA), codependents (CODA) anonymous meetings as well as multiple support groups for a variety of issues, behaviors and problems.
• Go back to school or take a night class, it will build your self esteem to complete or become more competent in a different area as well as help you meet people with similar interests.
• Get to know your neighbors, unless they are crazy or have gay bashing material visible then stay away!
• Sign up with your alumni, you’ll get news from peers and reconnect and be able to share war stories.
• Talk to a stranger, I do this all the time and it can be fun, you never know where the conversation is going to lead you. It is also a very good way to practice your communication skills!

Friendships are built on who we are, but mostly they are amazing when life feels lonely and repetitive. You can share laughter and tears with someone that loves you. You can also just do what my girlfriends and I enjoy doing, communicating on a level where we are able to be with gay women that understand the lifestyle. Lesbians understand the complexities of women and can have a safe place to share and grow from your LGBT support system!

~The Lesbian Guru 

Please Subscribe  for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://http/Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

When did love become a race? When did the earth become such a lonely place or so scary that we all decided to bump into as many people in hopes of meeting someone and finding love? With all the advertising and social pressure to find this person, this soul mate; we have lost the ability to be on our own. We do not know how to enjoy ourselves or even if we are worth being enjoyed.

There is some truth in that, if you do not know who you are or what you like, then how will you expose it to anyone else? It is ironic that there are thousands of books on building self-esteem and self-love that are written and television shows  that makes millions on helping you find it, when really it is available immediately within you! We all know what makes us feel good, because our experiences in life teach us that.

We know what pulls us down because it’s like a familiar banner that runs through our minds every day, when we are tired, angry, lonely, or hungry (because your diet affects your mood)! We see it; listen to it like an obedient dog that has been trained to hear the negative self-talk and go as directed “Yes, I’m stupid”, “You  are right I will never get her she is too good for me”, “Nothing I do is ever right”, “Who am I kidding this will never work.”  Yes, I know those lines too, I have said them more than I care to think about to myself. Why is it people do not see their full potential? Why are we not able to focus on ourselves for long enough to build love and trust in who we are? We as a community and not just Gay women, but society rely so much on what others think and how they behave towards us?

When I was younger (And still am in my own mind!) and lost everything; parents, home, and money I remember thinking what was I so afraid of all these years growing up? I remember the day when I sat on the floor and thought to myself I have lost everything, there is nothing left to be taken away except my life. My Life, not anyone else’s, it belongs to me! I realized everything I had lost was never mine to begin with. All this time I was living in a fake sense of control that if I pleased everyone and was fearful all the time then everything would turn out right. It was not my choosing to be a homeless orphan, not exactly what I planned but it did happen just right! It was just as it was meant to be, because that was one of the many journey I would have to take. I was just in it for the ride and now it was over and a new one was about to begin!

It is wonderful to share those rides with others, and it definitely makes it worth the wait when it happens. However, there are times I believe we have to ride alone. We have to learn to embrace the moments that separate us from others so we can be in full contact with who we are. Your greatest lover, friend, companion, teacher, and pupil should be yourself.

There are dark parts of our soul and character that frighten us into not wanting to get know or even imagine they are there, having distraction in our lives constantly, such as addictions, people, work, etc… to an excess helps us stay away from those parts. It also slowly wears away the parts that makes us happy and are bright!

Living is about balance, look at our magical universe, how it moves, creates and interacts. Always in balance. Look now at our little blue world with it’s little people always moving, needing distraction, noises, and things. That’s why we have big holes in the ocean where thousands of living things will die and disappear from existence.

That example was on a global scale; now make it on an individual level. If you’re constantly hiding, avoiding, or distracting yourself from who you are or rejecting being with yourself- you are making holes!  The more holes, the harder it is to feel self-worth and happiness. To love you, you must love all of you and that means even the “s— bits” as I like to call them. In fact it’s those parts that need the most TLC and attention. They are the part of you as a child that did not get acknowledged or seen or were told to put away.  It’s your time now, time to put some light in those areas of yourself and let them grow.

I will tell you a secret, well it’s not a secret anymore but still might be helpful. I used to lie all the time. It was automatic and without reason, someone could asked me if I had an apple that day and I would say “yes” but I hadn’t! Soon enough it caught up with me, and I wondered why the hell I was making up crap all the time. Well it was out of fear; I did not want to disappoint or not meet someone’s expectations so I lied. Now here is how I remedied my lying, I stopped cold turkey!

If someone got mad I dealt with it, in fact they would get more upset if I lied to them so I just started thinking at least this way I have the truth. In the beginning it was hard because I would catch myself out of habit saying things that weren’t true but then I would right away tell the person “I’m sorry, that wasn’t right I just lied to you, this is what happened.” It was so embarrassing that I soon stopped, but that part of me was a shameful place, my fear of others. Now I give her lots of love and I call that part “My little lost girl.”I make sure I hear her fears inside of me and validate them!

We have to create balance and that starts within. You are the Creator of your world, you are beautiful and wondrous and everything inside of you makes you unique. Your DNA is yours alone. Is that not enough for you to know that there is only one of you? Take a journey to create love for yourself, without external forces directing it. Ask yourself “What brought me to where I am today? Where do I want to go?” “Who is inside on me?” The journey to self-discovery does not have to be scary but it is an adventure!

~The Lesbian Guru 

Please Subscribe above for future articles and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru